When it comes to school pride, I am a firm believer that you should represent your alma mater to the fullest – regardless of how cheesy or lame you may think the mascot is. In order for me to compile what could arguably be the world’s most outrageous mascots list, I had to put my biased opinion aside. You see, I happen to be a Florida Gator, and while I feel that the Gators are the most badass mascot – they can literally rip your face off, it doesn’t get cooler than that – these top contenders have met the expectations of creativity, as well as hilarity. 

Bronze Medal Finalists
-Sue E. Pig (University of Arkansas): The actual mascot for the University of Arkansas is a razorback, but when you have a name like Sue E. Pig, and all you really are is an overweight swine, it’s hard to be taken seriously. Pigs are filthy animals and are often hunted by humans – as well as gators.
-Peter the Anteater (UC Irvine): With its long nose, prehensile tail and the ability to ummm, eat ants, this mascot falls a little short of being a big bad bully.
-Gila Monsters (Eastern Arizona College): This sloth of a reptile does not exhibit any sort of athleticism whatsoever. Granted the actual name – Gila Monster – sounds scary, it’s nothing more than a glorified gecko.
-Klawz da Bear (University of Northern Colorado): Yo, this gangsta mascot will bust a cap in yo’ ass if you step to him. He’s packin’ heat at all times. Word to your moms.
-Mario the Magnificent Dragon (Drexel University): Much like his stoned counterpart Puff, Mario is a fire-breathing, mythological creature. He also moonlights as a pimp for Loosey the Limber Unicorn.

Silver Medal Finalists
-Ragin’ Cajuns (University of La-Lafayette): While no one really knows what a Ragin’ Cajun is, I envision (at the risk of being politically incorrect) an extremely angry hot pepper with guns blazing, wearing a sombrero – or James Carville.
-Muleriders (Southern Arkansas University): Against my better judgment, upon seeing the name of this mascot, my mind immediately went to that horrible night in Tijuana… even as a spectator, it took away a piece of my innocence that I’ll never get back.
-Ben Franklin (University of Pennsylvania): They may go by the UPenn Quakers – which sets white people back about 140 years – but Ben Franklin is the founder and face of this university, thus he qualifies as a mascot.
-The Blue Blob (Xavier University): No, you’re not having a flashback of that night you took way too much LSD, this mascot is huge, blue and blobulous. Yes, I make up my own words – suck it, Webster.
-Gaylord the Camel (Campbell University): Since a tobacco company already snagged Joe Cool, only his slightly less than hetero brother was available. Gaylord was also snubbed by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Gold Medal Finalists
-Horned Frogs (TCU): This horny amphibian of a mascot hopped his way into gold medal contention because let’s face it – everyone wants to get their acceptance letter and say, “YES! I am officially a horned frog!”
-Boilermakers (Purdue University): A beer cocktail consisting of a shot of whiskey, tequila, or vodka, and a glass of beer, the Boilermakers sneak in the top because hi, my name is Lexi, and I love alcohol.
-Banana Slugs (UC Santa Cruz): One of my personal favorites. Unless Larry the Lint Ball is ever going to be a school mascot, UCSC holds the title for least intimidating school representative.
-Keggy the Keg (Dartmouth College): Because Alchy the Alcoholic wasn’t subtle enough.
-Minutemen (University of Massachusetts): Missy Elliott said it best – “I don’t want, I don’t need, I can’t stand no minute man. I don’t want no minute maaaaaaaan.” Seriously though.

Honorable Mention
-Artie the Fighting Artichoke (Scottsdale Community College): You can pull his leaves off and dip them in butter – mmmmm, delicious.

And there you have it, guys and gals – your finalists for the most outrageous college mascots. Now it’s your duty (teehee, I just said “duty”) to pick a winner for each medal. I can’t do all the work, people. If you’re upset that the Gamecocks didn’t make the list, too bad. We here at OPEN Sports are more mature than that – poop faces.