I accomplished a great feat the other day, one which my co-workers didn't think I'd be able to do.

If you saw me compete in the 1st Annual Thanksgiving turkey pot pie eating contest, then you will remember that I jumped out to an early lead, but failed down the stretch, much like Dwyne Philippin would say my Bengals do every season. I still contend that I would have won had I not encountered a cold pie. Have you ever eaten a half frozen turkey pot pie? I think I'm gonna puke just thinking about it.

Anyway, Chris Chester was flabbergasted a few weeks ago when I housed a double Angry Whopper. See, I'm a relatively small guy. I'm like 5'7" and weigh around 145 lbs. I work out, play tennis and basketball and for the most part, eat nothing but South Beach diet bars here at the office and I get plenty of crap for it. So when I devoured that burger, many were surprised.

When I came into work the other day, Chester asked if I would be willing to try a triple Angry Whopper. I had to think twice about it. For one, I didn't know if I'd be able to keep myself awake after eating such a behemoth. I also wasn't interested in all the exercise I'd have to put in. Why so much exercise? Well here's the lowdown:

A triple Angry Whopper is 1,360 calories, has 91 grams of fat, 59 grams of carbs and more sodium than the Great Salt Lake. It's three patties of beef, a ton of bacon and cheese, some sort of sauce, lettuce, tomato and french fried onions. Basically, it's enough food to feed a Somalian refugee camp.

Xavi claimed one of his friends was unable to tackle a standard triple Whopper and after some thought, I decided against the challenge.

That didn't matter. Chester went to BK to grab his lunch and after I specifically told him not to get me a triple Angry Whopper, he came back and put it on my desk. I swear to you, you could use the thing as a door stop for a bank vault.

I couldn't let the thing go to waste. That would have been $5 worth of heaven thrown in the trash. I can always eat a burger. ALWAYS! Put it in front of me and it's go time.

So after grabbing a cup of water, I went to work.

Chester got a little carried away and put on "Eye of the Tiger" as I tackled the giant beast. But before he and Xavi could blink, I had destroyed half of the sandwich.

Xavi and Chester were in shock and soon, it was time to finish this thing off. I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF THE ANGRY WHOPPER! And at myself for being such a lunatic. Seriously, ALMOST 1,400 CALORIES AND 91 GRAMS OF FAT. I'm lucky the thing didn't lodge itself in one of my arteries.

Soon, it was all over. I had devoured the triple Angry Whopper and did it before "Eye of the Tiger" had even finished playing. We estimate that I ate it in about four minutes.

So there you have it. The legend of the Kaucasian Kobayashi. I challege anyone to eat a triple Angry Whopper in less than four minutes. I'm sure that I will outdue myself at some point down the road, but for now, you can catch me on the toilet as the triple Angry Whopper is having it's revenge.

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