Even though I consider myself an unflinching fan of the New York Yankees, I've always thought their policy about neatness and presenting a "corporate" image was something that was a little too stuffy for baseball. Seeing wildmen like Jason Giambi and Johnny Damon shorn was like seeing the youth in baseball squelched for some inconsequential marketing ploy. First you force them to cut their hair and shave their beards. What's next? No laughing in the clubhouse? No having fun? These are grown men playing a children's game, after all. It's one of the few things I really dislike about the Yankees.

So it surprised me when I read in the paper yesterday that the Florida Marlins, my new adopted National League team, were having a row with slugger Hanley Ramirez because they decided to implement a new policy of the sort the Yankees have that banned long hair and jewelry. Hanley Ramirez, as you may or may not know, had his hair in cornrows not long ago and prefers to don gold chains when he plays. Dissatisfied with this new policy, and feeling like a petulant child for some reason, Hanley scrawled "I'm sick of this shit" on his chest in sharpie marker and started talking about how he wants to be traded.

Imagining the sum total of idiocy in this situation in my head is almost too much for comprehension. You've got a 25-year-old baseball player who is being paid millions of dollars scrawling hateful missives on his chest in permanent marker. And you've got a front office and coaching staff deciding out of the blue to enforce a new and pointless rule for no reason. Do they think a grooming standard is suddenly going to make Jorge Cantu stop looking like the caveman from those Geico commercials?

As soon as the front office got wind that Hanley was throwing a tantrum, the President, GM, and Assistant GM pulled him aside to discuss the policy. Lo and behold, ten minutes later, Hanley was back in the clubhouse, smiling and telling reporters that everything was fine. It's not clear from his comments whether they redacted the policy or whether they had a Disney Channel moment and hugged it out. Maybe we'll never know.

My guess is that somebody upstairs has been watching too much Generation Kill. The HBO series about the Iraq War features an officer character who constantly harasses his soldiers about the Marines grooming standard so they'll forget their troubles by spending all their time hating him. With just a .077 average so far in Spring Training, Hanley could definitely do with a distraction right about now.

At least it's not another A-Rod story though, right?