You know, I’m really sick of hearing women talk about how hot Derek Jeter and David Wright are. If only they could see the uglier side of sports. While all athletes these days are rich, some sure aren’t easy on the eyes. Sad thing is, they still probably pull more tail than the average guy. But I can’t imagine any sane woman mingling with one of these guys. So without further ado, I present to you my version of Major League Baseball’s All-Time All-Ugly Team…
Position Players
C Andy Etchebarren – Thankfully wore a mask the majority of his time on the playing field.
1B Darrell Evans – Rumored to have walked into a window screen at high speed while playing “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” as a child.
SS Davey Concepcion -- Prototypical shortstop, prototypical face for the All-Ugly Team.
*Note: Davey Johnson + Davey Concepcion = Sloth from The Goonies. Some double-play combination.
3B Jorge Cantu – If only his wild facial hair could cover his entire mug.
OF Otis Nixon – Great times in the 40-yard dash. Looks like it was inside a 20-yard room.
Pitching Staff
SP Randy Johnson – Perhaps another member of the animal kingdom – part ostrich?
SP Pascual Perez – Pretty bad when Melido Perez is the good-looking sibling.
SP Zane Smith – So ugly we added a sixth spot to the rotation.
a baseball player. That sound you heard was a mass sigh of relief female porn stars
everywhere.
RP Jesse Orosco – Closed out the ’86 NLCS and World Series BUT…still ugly.
RP Bob Walk – Was primarily a starter, but too much depth in this rotation.
The Braves seem to be the most common home for the esthetically challenged with six players on the list. The Pirates have four players on the roster, not including the three honorable mentions. Zane Smith, Pascual Perez and Julian Tavarez actually played for both teams during their illustrious careers!
Well there ya have it. The NBA All-Ugly team coming soon!!